Monday, January 01, 2007

Resemblance

When Joy first talked about not looking like her aparents I really didn't get the significance. My reference point was people talking about how adopted kids usually turn out looking like they fit in their afamilies. But she didn't. She didn't match or fit the profile.

At a Christmas gathering this year with my husband's family there were 17 of us including a fiance. People were remarking how much the fiance looked like another brother. He fit right into the family. I and another woman were the only ones besides the fiance that weren't blood relatives. Sharing a little geneaology with her we discovered that we can trace ourselves back to a common ancestor. It's over 300 years, but we kind of look alike too. It's comforting to look around the room recognizing yourselves.

Genetics is only part of the picture. Living in close proximity with each other we learn to mimic facial expressions and verbal inflections. Our appearances are altered to match our family culture and to go along with the stories we tell each other. That's part of the mystery of discovering Joy. I recognize her so deeply within me in some ways. And in other aspects I look and wonder where they came from. Did it come from her father? From her afamily? Friends?

These layers of discovery are part of finding our way with each other.

7 comments:

Joy said...

It's funny because I move like you and recognize a similar speech pattern.

That was one of B.s first comments, "you move just like her"

Being Me said...

Does that mean you bounce when you walk?

Joy said...

You know how I walk...

In Reunion said...

yeah, sweet, i understand this completely. there is so so much similiar with my daughter and I (and we havent met) and it seems to bother her rather than comfort her...see my latest post.

Being Me said...

I probably haven't noticed the way you walk or move because it looks right to me. I mean if you move like me that's what I'm used to. I've just been told that I bounce when I walk and I tried to control that for a bit, but gave up.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing you reflections on this journey. Happy New Year!

kim.kim said...

My daughter moves like me and sounds like me. She has the same sing song type speaking voice. You don't learn that stuff, it's genetic.