Last night my fabulous son helped me set up a MySpace account, (friends only). So far he's my only friend. The first thing I noticed is that it opens up with "Hi Justice" because that's the name I listed on my "profile". That's not my name. J. is the alias I was given before I broke into this blogging adventure. J. is too anonymous for me. I considered expanding it to Jemima or Jezebel too. Justice kind of appealed to me in the way I paraphrased it from the Bible: instead of "vengeance is mine" (so says the Lord) I was thinking "justice is mine". That makes me God's, and I like being on God's side. Justice also rings with "doing myself justice" as in doing myself right, doing my best-- even reaching to practicing judiciousness, wisdom.
Maybe it's my developing judiciousness that took a closer look at Justice when I saw "Hi Justice" on the top of my My Space. I started to think about what other people might read into the name Justice. As in seeking justice, righting wrongs, justifying, vigilantes. Ambivalence reigns.
My son certainly didn't seem to take any of those connotations from it. But I guess seeing Tom pop up as "my friend" (before Buster explained Tom is simply the Myspace administrator, everybody's "friend") gave me pause to consider how I appear to those that know me only from the internet. While it may often feel that I'm just talking to myself, I'm also talking to the whole world.
What do I want to say to the whole world?
This morning I went through "J" in the dictionary, looking for the most appropriate J. I could find. I like Joy best but it's taken. Jubilant is too much as is jubilation. Jewel, January(as a feminine form of Janus), Joinery, Journey, Jordan and jus sanguine are all up for consideration at this time.
I'm exploring, finding ways that work, cooperating with what is. I am overcoming resistance; not wanting to take an alias, wanting my regular name. And I am expanding into new territory in the name of privacy. I am wondering about the overlaps of secrecy and privacy.
8 comments:
I love the picture
i like the justice explanation..thought I chuckled at jezebel. i used to be hester_prinn on LJ. i am on myspace too. you can friend ne and i will friend you back.
i am myspace.com/suzherm
I feel out of the loop with the whole myspace thing!
I love the name Jordan.
I love the picture too. I think Jenevieve is very sophiticated sounding.
Suz I didnt know you used to be hester prinn, lol. My only freind is Tom also, He must be a slut. Just kidding.
I vote for you to keep Justice. I like that people take from it what they want...
And by the way....crazy, wild picture of your son - I had to enlarge it on my laptop to figure it out!:)
I like Journey. It'll remind you that you are forever changing, growing and experiencing life.
It's so thought-provoking for me to read your blog. I am blessed to be smack dab in the middle of my firstmom's family even though I live 2000 miles away. My brother chose to fly here for his long anticipated Senior trip. Sometimes I take our love and open relationship for granted. Thank you for reminding me to remember how special it is. :)
As much as love my association of (the River of) Jordan being home in Spirit. I'm leaning towards Journey, because it seems the most clear and least ambiguous about what's actually going on here.
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